Thursday, March 5, 2009

I've had it wrong this whole time...

I found this photo from before Nate and I started dating. Classic.

Thanks to everyone for your sweet comments and sympathy. I love writing and I was attempting to just reflect on the last week or so in my last post, maybe even laugh at myself a little. Sometimes I feel like blogs make our lives appear too "pretty." I totally understand wanting to focus on the positive or not wanting to look bad, but sometimes I enjoy reading a post about someone's bad day-- not because I find joy in the problems of others, but because it makes me feel like maybe I don't suck at life as much as I sometimes think. So there you have it-- our lives aren't as glamorous as you might have thought ;)

I did want to share something good that came out of last week. One night last week when I was having a really hard time, Nate came home from work at like 10 PM, and either out of relief or exhaustion, I started sobbing. Not like a single tear running down the cheek or a minute or two of crying. My entire body was shaking. He asked if I wanted a blessing. I said I would love one, but there was no way I was going to let anyone see me like that and I didn't have the energy to get ready. He offered just to give me a blessing by himself and I took him up on his offer.

I was still tired and sick, but I felt much calmer almost instantly. During the blessing, Nate was inspired to say something that has stayed on my mind for days. He said, "There is nothing we can do without the Lord." Since I spend my entire work day focused on word choice, this sentence hit me hard. I feel like I always hear (or say) "There is nothing we can't do with the Lord." I know it's just moving the negation, but it makes a big difference in meaning. When I say, "There is nothing I can't do with the Lord," I am saying that IF I turn to the Lord, I will be able to accomplish anything. It's an easy way to trick myself into believing I have faith. I can claim to believe, but at the same time not really act on my faith. However, if I were to say, "There is nothing I can do without the Lord," I am saying that I must rely on the Lord for everything. There is literally nothing in this world I can do without Him. I think the first statement is very representative of my usual attitude. I always try to do things on my own first. It seems like I save "the big stuff" for the Lord. I like to be independent and try every possible option before asking for outside Help. However, when I do this, I miss out on opportunities-- opportunities to serve others, opportunities to become a better person, opportunities to feel the Spirit, or opportunities to show gratitude to the Lord.

So ya... I'm lucky to have such an in tune husband. He keeps me focused on the important stuff. Maybe it won't take a million cold sores for me to admit I need help next time.


Ashley said...

M.C. you poor thing-you should have called me! I live pretty close to that off ramp that you were stuck on! Next time, if there is one, let me know! Hope things are getting better :)

Brenda said...

It was fun to see you guys last night!